apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
