I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize