i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
