I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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