I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
