Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
