I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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