i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
