Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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