No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize