I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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