But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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