thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
