so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
