I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
