im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
