Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
