Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
