Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
