I feel like I'm in dance class right now
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
