Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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