ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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