I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
