rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
