We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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