I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
