My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
