Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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