The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
