I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
