dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
