I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
