from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
