Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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