Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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