When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you will always have a special place in my vag
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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