the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
