So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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