The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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