The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
