Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
