I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Terrible idea I love it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
