false alarm. still invincible.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
