I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize