she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
