i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
