I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
