Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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