u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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