drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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