The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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