Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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