Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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