THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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