those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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