You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
