Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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