Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize