Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
