I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
