I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
