Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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