Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The air taste purple.
Randomize
