The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
