Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think my moral compass just broke
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
