your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
