Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize