1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
